We live in East TN and as much as I love this beautiful place, there is still a lot of ignorance within it. Our son is biracial. When we are all together in public people openly assume that he is a foster child, we are babysitting, or his father neglected him and Tommy is just a really good step-father. NONE of these things are true. To sum up all the horrible details…I was raped. 17 going on 18 and my grandmother came to my rescue. I lived in VA at the time. She drove to pick up her badly beaten granddaughter and brought her home to TN. I just knew I was pregnant. I felt it. And 7 tests confirmed it. I hated it. I did not want to accept it. So my mother was making arrangements for a woman she worked with to adopt my baby. This woman and her husband desperately wanted children but were not having any success. I agreed because I didn’t want to give any thought whatsoever to what was going on with me. I remember relaying to my mom that this child would be biracial. I figured that the couple would want to know that information. And while at first there was hesitation, they decided it didn’t matter. Until they too discovered they were pregnant and due shortly before me. This left me with no options in my head. I asked my mom to bring me all the information she could on abortions. She did. I read. And I prayed. I never prayed. But that night I prayed and fell asleep while talking/crying it out with God. I dreamed.
My dream involved a very graphic abortion. And pain. Lots of pain. Pain in my body for what I had put it through and pain in my heart for what I let go. I woke in tears. I knew that no matter the circumstance, this child was mine and I loved it. I needed it. It needed me. And at that moment we were one and I was going to do everything I needed to ensure that it was born healthy, happy, and loved. And he was on February 27, 2003. Throughout my pregnancy I began to pray for a Christian man. One that would love me unconditionally and protect me. And most importantly one that would love my son as his own. One that would take him and be his role model. I was blessed with Tommy in late April and married at the beginning of July. Tommy adopted Nathan and our family doesn’t see color.
Now to the point of this.
Nathan’s beginnings should not have to be explained. My family should not be given second glances when we are all together in public. While I will openly tell anyone who asks our little story (because I am loved and have been blessed TREMENDOUSLY) it hurts my heart to see Nathan’s expression when strangers so openly exclude him when they view our family. He is the most awesome boy I have ever known. He is sensitive and relates to others on a ridiculously mature level. He is a genius. I swear. He excels at everything he tries. He is ours. He loves his dad and his papaw, they are his refuge in the middle of all us girls. And he comes to me when he needs lovin’ or when dad makes him mad because I explain things to him a little more rationally (and I’m a bit of a sucker for those dark brown eyes and shy smile.)
I am bothered when family/friends/strangers point out how much the girls look like their dad or myself but make no notice of Nathan’s similarities. Nathan, Kyla, and Ava share my smile. Nathan and Kira share my freckles. Nathan has my eyes. Nathan (unfortunately) got my habit of biting my nails when he is nervous or stressed. Nathan, Ava, and Kyla have the same shaped face. They all have my feet and toes. And he and Tommy share the same skin tone most of the year. (When Nathan was a baby, complete strangers told us he looked just like his Tommy or Tommy’s mom…it’s the Cherokee) We are all different and alike.
Another issue is this. DO NOT refer to him as mixed or any other cutsie/insulting label you can think of. While he is perfectly mixed like his sisters….this hurts him. Don’t make stereotypical references when we talk about his enormous appetite. I was seriously asked if his favorite food was fried chicken and watermelon. What?! They thought it was funny. Don’t tell him that he should grow a ‘fro just because he is apparently “suppose to”. (A kid said this to him at school) And parents STOP spreading your ignorance to your children. This is one of the main reasons I consider homeschool.
