What not to say to Kyla...

My daughter has several combined issues with her ADHD. She is ODD, doesn’t empathize well, and has some sensory issues. Her struggles seem to progress as she ages. She doesn’t wear a sign on her back indicating as much, and we don’t generally mention it. Not because we’re trying to hide it, but because there are so many other interesting things about her that come to mind first: She obsessively loves “My Little Pony” and dancing and singing. She’s witty and has no filter. She’s says the things that no one else will. She’s direct and brutally honest. She reads books that her 10 year old (almost) sister doesn’t even read. And, we love her sassy personality.

 

That said, I am completely tired of hearing the same ignorant responses and questions from people, some complete strangers and some family members. She is too and I pity the person that has the gall to say one of the following in front of her because she will let you know exactly what is wrong with what you said.

·         “All she needs is a good spanking.” Seriously?! I could physically hurt the next person that makes that suggestion.

·         “Sometimes I’m a little ADD.” As if Kyla’s condition boils down to a problem with listening, like she’s purposely disobedient, instead of having an actual mental condition.

·         “Let me take her for a week and I’ll sort her out.”

·         “She’ll grow out of it. A lot of kids just have extra energy.” This is where most people are so completely misinformed. ADHD does not equal constant movement necessarily. Does she fidget? Absolutely! However, her brain requires constant stimulation so you cannot expect her to sit and be quiet without offering some form of stimulation. This is why video games often are associated with ADHD. The games did not create the problem in most cases; the games provide a constant, ever-changing source of stimulation that a child with ADHD benefit from. I’m not saying I plop my child in front of a system, but she has several tools at her disposal and anything she does is educational.

·         “Have you tried                ?” Like I’m a completely incompetent parent. I have three other children, two of which are older than she is. Before we began her several therapies/appointments, we tried alternate diets and extra activity. I would not medicate or pull her out of school unless it was necessary for her happiness and health.

·         “But she’s so smart!” As if she is expected to be otherwise.

·         “ADHD was just created by drug companies” Right, I take her to all her appointments and give her medication just for the fun of it.

·         “Don’t give her (insert name of medicine)!! I don’t want her taking it, I heard it’s bad.” Seriously, like I didn’t thoroughly research any medication before giving it to her. Like I did not report the slightest thing to her doctor and try 3 medications before we found one that worked best for her. All drugs have bad side effects. But those side effects don’t affect everyone and in most cases the good outweighs the bad. Also, most of the negative you hear is due to other’s without a prescription abusing the medication. Make your opinions after you do research.

·         “Oh, she’s just strong-willed” or “typical little girl.” I invite you to join us at our home on a medication free day (weekends).

·         “Everyone has issues like that sometimes.”

·         “I’m sorry” And for what, exactly?! She’s not broken or somehow incomplete. She’s perfect. In fact, in many ways her thought process and responses are wittier than most adults I know.

·         “I don’t know how you do it.” Would you not love, support, and seek every option and opportunity available for your child?

I’m sure I’ve missed some but these are the most prominent. ADHD may be over diagnosed but that does not mean that every child with that diagnosis doesn’t have it. And it does not mean that child is somehow less than perfect. I won’t question your child or your parenting choices when your child shoves his finger up his nose and into his mouth. Or throws a complete, on the floor crying, tantrum in the store when you don’t purchase the toy she wants. So don’t look at my child like she’s out of control or when she has a meltdown due to the suddenly itchy fabric of her shirt or when she loudly tells you to pull your pants up because no one wants to see your booty. (true story)